How Big Pharma Hooked America on Legal Heroin: The OxyContin Files | Motherboard

How Big Pharma Hooked America on Legal Heroin: The OxyContin Files | Motherboard.

The above link is too an article that links the pharmaceutical industry with the irresponsible unleashing of synthetic heroin for the sake of profit.

You really should read this article. It’s long, but here is a snipet:

To cement the brand’s reputation among doctors, Purdue conducted more than 40 national pain-management and speaker-training conferences at resorts in Florida, Arizona, and California between 1996 and 2001. They invited over 5,000 physicians, pharmacists, and nurses to these all-expenses-paid symposia. Many were recruited and trained for Purdue’s national speaker bureau. Purdue offered starter coupons offering a free 7-30 day trial of their medication, a practice that’s common among pharmaceutical companies for everything from skincare medicine to contraceptives. OxyContin became an instant hit among doctors, many of whom saw it as a wonder drug in the battle against the debilitating effects of chronic pain. As the good news spread sales of the drug mushroomed, rising from $40 million in 1996 to more than $1 billion in 2001, outstripping even Viagra. Meanwhile, Purdue’s campaign to extend the use of powerful narcotics to ordinary chronic ailments – for which the drug has been well documented to help – proved highly successful. By 2003, over half of the OxyContin prescriptions written in the United States were written by a primary care physician.

Sept. 7, Monday 2009 rated 4 (Deep disappointment in self, shooting up yet again, how to be human)

Failure today.  I broke my promise to myself and called my dealer.  Paid a high price for two 30’s of morphine, and then bought a 40 of OC later.  I’m really disgusted with myself.  That’s $70 down the damn toilet, and a needle in my arm, again.  Can’t do it, just need to cut my ties with Joey; he will absolutely sabotage me and these efforts to improve and fix my life.  I got really high, but what does that mean anymore?  Nothing.  It’s all a waste!!!!  The worst part is that tomorrow I feel like I’m going to be buying more, wasting my lead in the cash department.  I took a break from my amiltriptelene and that has something to do with it.  Tomorrow morning I’m off to Biolife.  Hopefully, my shooting today doesn’t sabotage that.  Nope, change in plans.  I’ve put too many holes in my arms to attempt Biolife.  I’m just deeply disappointed in myself today– tomorrow I make my stand.

Intake:  50 mg hydroco oral, 60 mg morphine IV, 120 mg oxyco IV

(My LORD, can anyone hear the pain and guilt in this man’s mind? Such disappointment, such guilt, and such failure. One can only experience so much failure for so long and then what? What? I feel such empathy for my son by reading his struggles. I had no idea. Why did I have no idea? Why was I so out of touch? I know why but don’t want to tell myself. Matt didn’t want to tell himself the hard truth either. The hard truth is that we are told by the world–teachers, parents, media, and neighbors– that we need to be perfect, need to be like everyone else, need not to stick out as needy. However, I would bet that every last person reading this is just that. We are all failures. Isn’t that wonderful? Such freedom comes from understanding that every last single one of us is a failure at something big: Marriages, jobs, social situations, physique, personal relationships, sexual intimacy, and raising our children to name a few.

So, what the hell was I thinking? Okay, so he never needed to need. Was that really a favor? NOT! Coming from a very poor, hillbilly family, all myself or anyone ever wanted to do was survive. We dreamed of paying for real clothing, we wondered what avocados tasted like (not that special, more like greasy broccoli and boiled eggs creamed), we wondered what people did on golf-courses besides picking worms for fishermen, we wondered what air-conditioning was like… I took that all away and let him feel that it was all about comfort. Well, for me it was. I had a dream, and Matt and me were darn well going to live it, by golly. I thought I was such a success as a provider. I knew I was lacking on some private matters though.

I knew myself to be a failure on several levels. I wanted him to be different. But, I knew what I wanted from my closest confidants–a break and some acceptance. So, why was I so willing to tell him to straighten up, get another job, man-up so to speak? Okay, so I was man enough for any man, even though I am a woman. I cut my own firewood, built my own stupid house, got my own college education,  can do a bunch of worthless stuff like hunt birds and deer, and make my own sauerkraut… survival stuff (growing up poor it was all about food and warmth), yet I was unable to see that my son was starving. My focus was off. I wanted him to be good at what I was good at, surviving. Maybe I just was looking at the only thing I knew how to do and was pressing toward that. However, he was starving on a different level, a level I was not in tune to. I am now. I wanted him to change and what happened was a change in me. I am so thankful. I am so much more balanced now. I now see people differently. I now see people as not just carbs and environment, but as emotional.

If anyone out there is starving, let me know as I now know something important and am more than willing to be a part of this team effort called life. I am willing to share my food, now–We have tons of carbs in this country and very little soul food. I am growing a green garden just brimming with soul food lately. Ultimately, I have learned that to be happy, adjusted, self-controlled,… one needs to be answering to other’s needs.

In fact, just tonight I had a rain cloud pass over the soul-food garden with my two daughters. After spending late nights running to basketball games followed by my work toward a MA, they were a bit lacking on the whole “family” team effort and this the-world-against-us sort of soul. They were just so into their Facebook, their time, and their hearts. After a “loud discussion” on mom’s needs and their responsibility to take on this burden, I received a few tearful hugs and hopefully some help in pulling this sledge along the trail. Even though we all looked a bit forlorn, I believe they are closer to true happiness. As a couple of tweens they are seeing that considering mom and working towards a group-happy means familial happiness. The group needs to stick close. I am trying to teach my kids that being a family means being sensitive to everyone’s needs. I am being more transparent as to mine in hopes that they will see me as needy too, sensitive too, and faulted too. I want them to see the truth about me and not a monument to an unreal goal. In doing this, I hope they will be more willing to let me into their future and current failures as a shared event and not a shameful failure. I want them to be happy little failures that keep on trying and loving the battle.

I could have kept my own hurts to myself and let them believe that my whole purpose in life was to slave over their every desire, their every want, and their every need. But, Matt taught me something. Now, don’t think that he was spoiled. He was not even close to spoiled. He sweated over a mountain of log piles, stapled lots of insulation, moved plenty of dirt piles, and went without most often. However, one thing I never did was let him share in the honest load of self-denial for the sake of others. I never let him feel that burden of hunger if things were not planted and tended in the garden (I felt that); I never let him see the ravages of those who lost house and food (those family members where covered and explained for decencies’ sake), I never let him see the suffering of those trapped in mud holes of life, and most importantly I never let him SHARE in my suffering to provide, struggle, strategize.

As you can see, I have another plan now called share. I am learning to share and learning to voice more. Matt taught me that. I need to be more like him. He may have lost the war, but his battles are winning still. I hope I have said something of value to anyone reading. This is so difficult to explain in one short article on a blog. Therefore, I will try to summarize: Share in the load with your loved ones. Share in your needs and failures openly. Life is hard on purpose. Open those channels that allow for sharing this hardness and allow for failures.

I was such a failure. I never really knew that life was about learning to maneuver the mud holes. I was so focused on how to stay out of them. But, mud holes are the reality. He was just too in tune to reality, just too sensitive, just too human. And, I was just too into survival to notice. God forgive me! I gave birth to Your perfect son and only knew how to survive. I didn’t know how to be human, which involves a lot of greasy mud.


Matt’s mom)

August 31, Monday 2009 rated 5.75 (detoxing and vitamins, depression lifting, summer wasted )

I HAD NO OPIATES TODAY WHAT-SO-EVER!!  I feel fine, a little lethargic, but nothing major, barely noticeable.  I’m really surprised that I’ve made it 4 whole days now of DETOX and I haven’t gone nuts, or suffered all that much.  I’ts been quite an easy detox.   I think the vitamins and amiltrip have a big role in that.  I hope that I continue to feel well, and i don’t get surprised with detox later on.

Hung out with April for a good portion of the afternoon.  We did a burn-curise, and after that we hugn out at the dentist office, a real nice way to spend the afternoon before work.

The depression seems to be lifting at the moment anyways.  Somebody cares enough to pray for me I guess.  I hope for continued sunny days!

Good bye summer 2009, another one wasted…

Intake: Ø, Detox day 4, smoked

August 14, Friday, 2009 (dope sick)

What a day to be dope sick!  A sunny August Friday with a full seven hours of work!  It was not a pleasant day for me today.  I spent most of my morning chasing down my Valium, and the $15 I needed for them.  Any normal day would be great to have Valiums because they are coveted by the junkies around me, traded easily for things I like better, but not today.  Today my dealer was out.  His old lady was crying she was so f**king sick.  His next door neighbor was out also, but I turned him on in hopes of scoring a 10 methadone tomorrow morn.  We’ll see.

Work was shit.  I took an 80 mg concerta that I had lying around in hopes that it would push me through my shift.  I haven’t decided whether or not it helped any.  I felt it, but I still felt pretty sick, strange too.  I’m starting to hate work.

Anyways, tomorrow is another day.  I have these vals to help me sleep tonight, and tomorrow I have a few prospects.  Damn, I just need to quit.

Intake: Ø day one, 20 mg diazepam

August 13, Thrusday, 2009 rated 5, Drug intake for one month, need to quit!

Matt, redwing shirt, at home with family.

Today was a stereotypical day in almost every way possible, a day I would certainly forget about if it weren’t  for my trusty journal!  I spent the day sitting at Aunt Cindy’s with a big knot in one muscle in my back, didn’t do much there, tried calling mom to no avail. Haven’t spoken to her in several days, which sucks. Went to work at 4, it went well.  I felt melancholic all day today.  I figure it’s just dealing with the flood of good memories from hanging w/ Jessie all day yesterday.  I really miss home now.  I’m really hating my existence in Oshkosh, wish I had some friends or something to do, poor poor pitiful me.

Today marks the one month anniversary of starting this journal.  It seems that I made everyday except one–pretty good.  I’m happy about it.   I love my journal now, and make it a priority to write it everyday before I go to sleep.

On the following page I will tabulate my drug intake for the month.

Intake: 20 mg oxyco, oral, 400 mg propox oral

Drug intake:   July 13–Aug 13

oxyco oral:  275 mg–free

oxyco IV:  160 mg–$160.00

morphine IV:  600 mg–$300.00

hydroco oral: 850 mg–$65.00

valium:  50 mg–$5.00

propox:  1000 mg–free

# of days I smoked:  11–$20.00 (? maybe)

# of “sober” days in month:  3

methadone and klonopin are negligible–$10.00

So, here I can see my intake for the first time on a monthly basis.  I have extrapolated the costs from memory and current prices for the stuff where I get it, for instance, I’m going to remember the $160 I spent on 40’s because it stung.  Now, I don’t think that it’s possible that I spent $560, but I believe it reasonable to assume that out-of-pocket for me was about $500 this mouth, out of around $850 total income–so, what I don’t pay in rent goes into my blood-stream.  That’s so sad.  The oral oxies are all from Cindy, 27 of them, quite a bit.


If you look at how happy Matt was in that picture, being around close family members at the dinner table, and then you look at Matt deep into his drug addiction relapse, you can give yourself a reality check on the value of getting clean and staying there. However, the voice in an addict’s head is like a very small megaphone repeating lies: just this once (once as in 10 years at a time?), I deserve it as I have been good for so long (so, being good means that you deserve to be miserable again?), I will quit tomorrow (didn’t you say that yesterday?), life without drugs is boring (true, making all those connections is very entertaining), I can’t have fun without drugs (true, handcuffs, getting AIDS, always broke, almost dying in deep nods, and all those quality friends… how does the tune go? memories…May be beautiful and yet, What’s too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget), no one will know (the coroner will tell them), and everyone’s favorite–I would be miserable for days trying to get off them (how many days of misery equals how many days of being in control of  your life?).

I am rooting for everyone out there who can still read these words in hopes that you will gain some strength, knowledge, and hope for yourself and others.
Matt’s mom

August 11, Tuesday, 2009 rated 6.5 (Room mate irritation)

Today was pretty boring for the most part.  I continued burning through my vikes, got a pretty good hit early in the day from them, just wanted to kill time before I finally saw Jessie!

I’ve been avoiding John lately; he’ s just been more of an ass, for no reason.  He’s just getting meaner and meaner.  Whatever, I just hope I can deal with it until I’m off paper and out of this horrible town.  But, Probably I will have to move because it seems to just get on my nerves lately.

Work went well and quickly.  Tess didn’t piss me off too much!!!

My whole next entry will be about Jessie!

Intake:  95 mg hydroco, oral

July 27, Monday, 2009

Renee and Matt. so ironic, Renee’s ex-husband is taking this picture and Matt so loves Renee. They have been friends since 8th grade.

(These are not the real names as I want to protect the identities of those who may feel uncomfortable with the personal nature of Matt’s journals. Anyway, “Renee” is Matt’s constant friend from middle school and his heart-throb. They dated in MS for a bit until we moved. They wrote a bit, lost contact, and then bumped into each other during HS. Stayed in touch since. I haven’t sent this blog link to anyone at all that I or Matt knew, but I am thinking to send it to her. She is still to this day Matt’s biggest fan. Well, that picture there is her. Her ex-husband is taking the photo, a bit awkward as “Renee” laughed when she showed me the pic explaining that she was there to visit Matt for “reasons of the heart” and had to suffer the presence of the ex. Matt’s mom)

Today I got to see Renee!! Wow, it was really awesome;   I missed her a lot, but she was only able to hang around for like an hour before continuing to Madison with Levi, her ex-husband.   Something very strange happened while she was here; she was pointing out to me just how desolate, ugly, and depressing Oshkosh really is—I guess I always saw it before, but after she mentioned it , well, it really got to me.  I was depressed from that point forward.  I feel now, I realize, just like I felt in jail, trapped in a cage without ability to break out and into some other form of freedom—and it IS this place, these people who do it to me.  When I got here I was so full of optimism, so much looking forward, but now I feel so empty, so sad, so trapped.  I have just made the decision today that I will break-out of here, I will move again to somewhere nicer, better for me.  Renee has mentioned that Madison would be a good choice, and it has sparked my curiosity.  One big problem is that I’m still on supervision, with a VERY cool agent.  I’m hesitant to more anywhere that would place me under a new supervisor. because no one could possibly be as cool as Laurie.  I can hardly think that I will be able to survive here until Nov. 2010 either.  It’s a bad position to be in, which is why I feel I need the drugs. It really takes my mind off everything around me, gives me a focus point (albeit, a negative one).  What am I going to do?  Confused now, really just want to feel good.

I was just starting to feel really dope sick today, but we popped over to Aunt Cindy’s and she wasn’t home, with doors unlocked we went inside and I was able to score 3 tabs.  Feel bad about it, as always, very ashamed, but sometimes I feel as if I haven’t a choice.  I need to grow some balls and get off this shit, it’s stupid.  Also, it’s now EAA, so the restaurant is nuts, which sucks ass! Only 4 more crazy shifts to go!

Intake: 30 mg oxyco, oral