October 31, Halloween, Saturday 2009 rated 4.75

I was in a sour mood all night at work; didn’t really say anything to anybody all night long.  People were dressed up, and everyone had plans to go out and party somewhere.  I came home, smoked a bowl and listened to music by myself–went to bed early.  Hell of a night.  I could have gone out and done something with Pat. I hadn’t the motivation to do so.

I take these breaks every two weeks or so, breaks from my antidepressants.  I really notice the depression creep back in, especially if I’m smoking weed.  I go off of it because if I partied my vicodin with my TCA, I wouldn’t be able to wake up  in the mornings!!! I’ve thankfully been able to reserve myself to just my vikes this week and only $36 cost–half of last paycheck’s total.  I’m just itching to go to Ukraine and do something worth bragging about.  I have a plan and now I am moving more steadily towards it.  I need to  be proud of who I am once again, need to be worthy once again of a woman’s love.

Intake: 3(50 mg hydroco oral, smoked)

One thought on “October 31, Halloween, Saturday 2009 rated 4.75

  1. Hello Jane,

    Thanks again for visiting my blog. And thank you so much for being Matt’s voice; reading his journal is like talking to someone that can teach you a lot about life and what it means to be a human. I wonder how many people think like Matt and go through similar experiences, but still never share these thoughts with anyone because of fear of being judged by others, or shame.

    It is very easy to get caught up in self-harm cycles…and it is very human not being able to get out of them easily.

    Take care, Jane.

    Like

I appreciate every comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s