I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough drugs; I’ve had enough heart-break; I’ve had enough of playing the loser. I want out; I want out now!!! Tomorrow I’m hitting the pavement hard to look for a second job. When I find that job, I’ll work my ass off until I get enough money to go back to Europe, if I haven’t gone to Ukraine, back to Poland and seen Pela again. By Nov. 2nd next year I’m going to end my life; I really will; if I can’t make something this simple happen by then, I’ll do the un-thinkable. Better to DIE than to go on living like this, never achieving anything, always just being satisfied with survival. No more.
I’m real emotional tonight because I have just seen some pictures of Pela from her trip to Italy. I find it impossible to believe that 3 years later I still find fire in my soul for this girl. I wish it was gone. I wish there were some way to extinguish this feeling, but no–it creeps up into the very depths of my soul; it is extended there. Why? Why? Why? What exactly does the future hold now with this? BE GONE!!
I hereby RESOLVE to have traveled to Europe by this time next year.
Intake: Ø day 1