Sept. 4, Friday 2009 rated 6.5 (Burn cruise, want to fall in love and travel, getting serious about life)

Interesting day today–April called and propositioned me to take a burn cruise.  I agreed as long as she could get here and we could smoke before 1 pm (I always alot at least 3 hours to “air out” before work).  Ended up that she didn’t even get here until 1:15 or so.  We didn’t start smoking until 1:15, AND on our way from April’s parents’ house we were “caught” by April’s boyfriend, Craig.  She must have argued with him for 30 minutes!  I thought I would be late for sure, but I made it to work just on time and still a tad bit stoned.  Work went really quickly for some reason, which is great.  Went well in general too.  Tess is working on Fridays now, but it doesn’t bother me all too much anymore.

I feel a new energy lately, since I started the anti-depressant.  I feel like a new phase in life is starting for me.  I’m really happy and for the first time in a long time I feel optimistic about the future.  I’m even starting to think about the Ukraine again, would love to see that country and also see Irina again, maybe make some new friends, maybe fall in love again.  Its my next big plan, to go there, has been now for a couple years.  But, with all the problems I’ve had with drugs, I guess I was just never serious enough about it.  I feel this beginning to change, slowly.  I need to keep up with being mostly sober.  This is the key, keeping my money.  I haven’t talked to my dealer in over 10 days, and I don’t really miss him all that much– happy that he’s not getting my money anymore for sure.  Since I got paid I have spent my money on only good things:  bought good food, bought some music for the first time in a long time, and on Tuesday I’m going to be paying off one chunk of my loan with Cash in a Flash, FINALLY!  I’m going to be working hard to keep things going in the right direction.

Intake:  105 mg hydoroco oral, smoked

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