September 1, Tuesday 2009 rated 4.5 (Little does Matt know he has exactly 1 year to live)

Today I had no drugs whatsoever!!  I’m actually quite proud of myself for making it 5 whole days now–amil finally kicked in, and my depression has all but vanished.  I’m doing well.

Tonight was terrible at work.  I just couldn’t seem to please Elta with anything I did; she gave me the evil eye several times.  Really sucked.  I felt like I  was going to get fired all night!!  I sure hope I can continue getting good hours after tonight.

The only bad part of the day was work.  Everything else went fine.  I’m feeling much better now.  I know I’ll be getting high on Thursday and for a few days after that, but I have made a commitment not to purchase drugs, unless prescribed to me.  That should solve a lot of my problems I think.

Intake: ø, detox day 4, smoked

(God doesn’t afford us the burden of knowing the exact number of days we have here. I wonder if Matt had known this how he would have proceeded. Would this have been the impetus to completely lose himself in hedonistic behavior, or would he have started a bucket list ? To those out there, what would you do differently if you knew your day’s number, or if you knew the number of a loved one’s days? What would you do?

Would you go on a diet, like Matt did here, not really willing to shed the cocoon, become a butterfly, and eat the nectar of flowers instead of slugging along on buds and leaves? I am convinced that those who really honestly want to change cannot go on diets. Diets restrict the bad while never actually removing the need to be fed somewhat regularly. So, if you have a dream, a bucket list, a butterfly inside your cocoon, what are you doing today that you will regret if your tomorrows are cut short? If the tomorrows of your loved one are cut short?

Matt’s mom)

4 thoughts on “September 1, Tuesday 2009 rated 4.5 (Little does Matt know he has exactly 1 year to live)

  1. Wow. I have lived in fear since becoming clean… and each day I wake up and think the same thing. If today was my last day would I live in fear? My answer is no… some days are harder than others but mostly I try not to live in fear. RIP Matt<3

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    • Thanks for your visits so much. Your thoughts just add such reality for those who are not addicts. Keep up letting us know how you are. And, so glad to hear that you don’t live in fear. I hope you live your life so fully that it makes up for all those that the demon Heroin took from others. After all, it’s your life and you get to write the story. I keep reading and hope in faith for a happy ending. Hugs!!! (((mylifemystory)))

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    • Really, you too? So, depression is the big hitter on the opposing team? Really, I had no idea. Thanks so much. By the way, such a nice blog you are doing. Is that your own story? You couldn’t really be old enough to have lived through the war and depression. Is it you? Great story, well great as in wow not as in wonderful.

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