Sad, lonely and depressed today. I don’t quite know why. Perhaps it’s my rooming situation coupled with the first hint that the seasons are changing. I hate the end of summer, not so much the beginning of fall, but just the end of the wonderful warmth and the wonderful warm sun on my face–just the knowledge that winter is fast approaching. I do hate winter, with a passion. I miss my mother, I miss the (town name) homestead, I NEED to get home for a visit, but I’m not sure if I can afford it with all of these damn bills I’m juggling–if I had a car, a license it would be different, but I hold myself back with the drug trouble I’m in. I need to at least get it under-control financially, kill this loan at the Pay-Day loan place, just buy what I can each payday and just be done with it–get that (down ever?) and get my license back, and a car I would be set then. I need to do this quickly if I’m ever to make it out of this damn hole I’m in.
John has been a lot nicer lately, almost sensing that I have plans to move and leave him alone and in want of the funds I’ll take with me. Maybe he’s realized that he would have quite a problem in finding another roomie as poor as myself whose willing to deal with the shape of this house, the train, and his personality in general. I plan to line another place up, and then have a serious talk with him about my position in this household. Tell him I’m set and ready to get out. And, then see what he says, put the ball in his court so to speak.
Work was slow tonight. I’m getting tired of working there for what I make, so hard, head cook now, and I eat from the food pantry–such a damn shame. I have to look for better work, find it and then have a bargaining chip with them too!
I need to snap out of this lazy depression and get pro-active about my life here pretty quick.
Intake: 85 mg hydroco, oral