Today was a good day. Becca came down from Green Bay to spend a few hours here. That was a lot of fun; we talked a lot, but didn’t really connect on a romantic level as i would’ve hoped. She is a beautiful girl, and I was hoping that I may have been able to make some love with her. But, I didn’t press anything–and nothing happened. I feel awkward anyways around women when it comes to initiating sex, always have been. They usually have to press on me first, and those ones are usually the crazy whores anyways. Whatever, it’ll happen for me someday!!
The other big story of the day is that I’m actively searching for a new room, and I like what I see as far as Craigslist goes–it looks like where ever I go that I will be saving money, and I think that if Joh isn’t a dick about giving me sept. rent back that by this time next week, I may be penning this from a new location with a roommate that I may actually like!! John is just outrageous in his horribleness–selfish, hateful, obtuse, a liar, and a hypocrite. I’ve tried so hard to be a good friend to him, but it just hasn’t been any use. He is determined to be alone and hateful. I guess he just decides that he wants to continue to live this lonely existence, taking out his insecurities on me or anyone else around him, but no longer on me! I have had nothing but bad people experiences since I’ve been in Oshkosh; it seems that people are bent on being unhappy and unfriendly in this place. I can hardly stand it any longer!! I need not only to move out of this house, but of of this town!
I’ve been hitting that damn methadone pretty hard lately. F**ked up my entire tolerance! Tonight I’m trying a cocktail of methadone, percocet, and vicodin just to see if it works to overcome the methadone tolerance I’ve already had. I would like methadone if it was the only thing that I had access to, but if I try to get off on anything else then it’s all f**ked; that’s why I don’t like it. Plus, it’s hard to come off of. I hear the AS (Abstinence Syndrome) is more severe with methadone. I guess I’ll find out.
Intake: 25 mg hydroco, 60 mg oxyco, 20 mg methadone, oral
(Junkies…lost in trying to find their way out. I can hear it so precisely here as Matt did not want to take methadone, did not want to lose himself in the drugs, and did want to just feel normal.
Anyone out there understand what Matt was writing? I thought methadone was a government program designed to help addicts get free. However, from what my son wrote here, he and others believe that it is very difficult to kick, more so than the original addiction it was designed to replace.
Maybe that is it. As a true critic of government programs, I am concerned that this program is like welfare. Welfare is quite the money machine in actuality. Just think of all the jobs it produces for government employees. Just think of all the souls who have been convinced that the government is their father, brother, savior, and caretaker. Just think about their votes. Would any government addict even consider casting a vote for someone who might put them in a position of control, in a position of adult responsibility, in a position of fear without the fine nectar of the Lotus Eaters? Is methadone what Odysseus was fed? Is it really that difficult to gather the troops, hop in the ship, and sail on to the real battle at hand–life?
Not informed as to how much this program spends and how many addicts are able to kick the habit, I may be musing in error. However, I call upon my muses out there to sing the truth.