Peaceful and beautiful day outside today. Got the vikes filled, now I only have two fills left. Thought I would’ve had five, but they caught the mistake. I rode to Morton’s Parm with Baldwin, gave up ten tabs just because I’m a nice guy! He didn’t believe they were actually vikes, but I’m sure he does now! Spent the balance of the day before work just moping around, getting high, but only lightly. I can never get real messed up on those vikes. Traded ten for a morphine, which helped a little.
Work was alright. Karl is a little asshole, but whatever, he’ll self-destruct I’m sure, I hope anyways. Lisa was mngt, and she sucks, so that’s how that goes.
Tomorrow I’ll hang with Jessie! So excited about that! I so wonder how that will go.
I struck up a conversation with Becky on FB last night. It was interesting. We decided to hang out sometime soon. I feel slightly romantically inclined towards her; it would be wonderful to maybe get some action with her! not to mention a real relationship.
Intake: 30 mg morphine IV, 10 mg hydroco oral
(This is a picture of Matt age 12 with baby sister. When I read the journal posts he made, I can’t really see the older Matt different than the younger one; they are the same. But, something happened between this sweet pic of him and sissy, and him and trading vikes for morphine. Dear God, how did this happen? The shift was so fast, established, unforeseen. Therefore, it must have been there already, in this picture too. It must have. I just didn’t see it.
If you look at those eyes, that smile, the clean house, the soccer games, the hikes in the mountains, the motorcycle rides, the pine-derby cars, the church camps with horses, the mountain tops climbed, the desert camping, the what-the-hell-ever-normalville life we lived, and look deep, you would have to look through a DNA test. How could I fight it? His biological father died at age 45 (?) of alcholism, well the report said heart attack. But, he was in a motel room alone, being kicked out by current wife, and visited the emergency room regularly for various alcohol related system failures. However, Matt only saw the man several times in his life. He did write Matt letters though, beautiful letters, full of imagery, voice, symbolism, and hope. Matt naturally wrote and spoke well himself, even though he was a minimal student–not very motivated by grades but very motivated to learn. I can see that in this picture of Matt–well spoken. Got that from dad. Too bad he got the ‘Sleeping Beauty prick of the needle’ gene too. Can’t see it here, but it is. It’s in those beautifully deep eyes that feel too much, see too much, care too much.
… sorry, had something in my eye, snivel.
Okay, back to typing my thoughts: This I know for certain–God came for the weak, the broken, and the willing. When reading the scriptures (usually during church service as it is so very boring that I read instead) I see Jesus shunning the powerful and well-established people and hanging with people a lot like Matt. I bet Him and Matt are having a grand time right now. I also bet He led Matt to write these journals just to show people that “As you did to one of the least of these my brothers, you did to me [Matthew 25:40].”