July 28, Tuesday, 2009 rating 5/10

Today I awoke a little on the dope sick side, which actually kinda surprised me because of my dose yesterday; it should have kept me okay until at least the afternoon.

John, my roommate, has been an insufferable dick lately, so I decided it was best to head for Aunt Cindy’s for the afternoon.  I went mainly to use the phone, but of course the opportunity presented itself to grab a few tabs.  So, I did, being quite careful to moderate, taking only 2–just wanted to feel not so sick and perform well at work, which was accomplished.  I used the phone and finally go ahold of mom; she was on some remote lake in Minnesota, right in the boat fishing when she called me back.  We talked for a while, and I got her nailed down on me visiting sometime in August, which is just great by me!!   I miss home.  Something to look forward to, I haven’t been home in ages!, since March in fact, so it’s just great!

Work went well.  Jack was in the kitchen, and he made everything run nice and smooth.  It was slow compared to what they expected, good!  I get paid the same regardless.

Saw April at work.  She gave me a ride home.  She swears up and down that she’s been sick too, but she hasn’t called me in the last few days, so I’m not so sure about all that.  I got her on the hook with my pill day on Thursday, so let’s see if she comes through for me tomorrow.  I really hope so.  I need to not be sick just this week.

It’s nice in a way not to be so totally f***ed up everyday.  I sometimes wonder what I miss.

Hmmm…, I think I will begin rating day on a scale of 1–10 (one being the very, very worst and 10 being the very best).  Everyday from now on in this journal right with the date heading.  Today would rate as a very average 5, nothing really good nor bad happening, kinda boring and unimpressive anyways. So, now I’ll be doing that.  I can’t believe I’ve written this journal now for 2 whole weeks!! It’s really great; I love it!

Intake: 20 mg oxyco, oral

P.S. I just realized that I was up north in June for my Aunt’s funeral.

(Yes, Matt was up north for a funeral.  My sister died on her way home from work when someone ran a light and broadsided her. Died suddenly at age 50. Matt spoke at her funeral by delivering the eulogy. Life really isn’t guaranteed for any of us, is it.)

2 thoughts on “July 28, Tuesday, 2009 rating 5/10

  1. Matts mom,
    I first would like to tell you that I am so very sorry for the pain, and heartache that goes alone with losing a child. I am not familiar so I cannot sit here and say “I know what your going through”… I have lost friends due to drugs and it hurts.. but nothing like losing a child. I will continue to pray for you. I am very glad you commented on my blog. I understand Matt is so many ways. Wanting to stop so bad but not being able to because an addict does not ever want to go through the sickness when getting off opiates. So, we continue to use. We continue to lie, lives in secrets.. because that is much better than being dope sick, and the feelings of withdrawals are much greater. It makes me sad that he is not here… seems like such a wonderful man with so much heart. I am glad you are sharing this it really shows what an addict goes through. I feel there was so much purpose in him writing these.. to publish one day? So you could read them later in life? Did he have a feeling he knew what was going to happen? When going through my addiction I always had this feeling I would die young… sometimes I even feel this way and I think my death is going to be in a very horrifying way. It had me in fears for many years but am slowly getting over this. Anyways, sorry to ramble.. I will keep you in my prayers always<3 I am not following you and I am so glad to have found you. Would you mind if I share this on my Facebook site, or even add you to my Resources page with a little description of your blog with your website link? I will not be offended if you say no. I would love to stay in touch with you my e-mail is mylife.mystory.2011@gmail.com.

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    • So very wonderful to read your mail. Thanks so much. I just never know if this is the right thing to do or not as many people may consider it morbid. I am hoping, however that it will raise people’s awareness as to the problem of prescription drugs. I also want to reach out to others in the same prediciment by letting them know they are not alone, but this is how it does look for real, black and white. Finally, I just would like my son’s words to be read by others. I am not sure what they will speak to someone else, certainly not what they mean to me, and hopefully he will somehow live on through them. Shame more people didn’t get to know Matt, he really was quite endearing to all people. Thanks again for all the likes and especially the comment and email. Made my day. And, of course you can link it to facebook and put if on your page. I would be honored. By the way, your own story is very touching, and your response to life is nobel. You are quite special, in fact so many addicts that I have known have/had such creative and strong minds. Keep up the fight and keep thinking positive. Treat yourself well, you deserve it. You are in my prayers too! May God fully bless you, Jane Oh, email anytime, even if you just need to rant.

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