Big day today. It started with my wonderful little run-around with the clinic and then pharmacy people about filling my Vicodin and Valium early. This shit would never happen up north! Hung out with A____e early this morning–she thinks she may be pregnant. J___called me today! The first time I’ve spoken to her in 7 hears! Wow, what a conversation, 7 years of history, 7 years of life I missed with a girl who impacted me so much in my youth–2001, a huge year for me. I really grew up and into a life of darkness, not her fault, but she was along for the ride.
Made up with my dealer today. He’s a nice guy, except for the fact that he’s a junkie, and it makes him into a beast I’m familiar with. I like him personally; he helps me out a lot in ways other dealers would never do, but, of course, the nature of our business makes us all a little ill-behaved from time to time. I feel bad for him; I feel bad for all of us really, this path we’ve chosen. I need to get out before I become a felon, which will end my dreams forever.
Today I’ve eaten a 10 mg Valium and 13 x 5’s of Vicodin, with some weed and 15 mg speed mixed in for good measure.
(If you follow Matt’s journal, you will see that at times all he will post is his intake. For some reason he wanted to record it. I think maybe he needed to see his progression/digression as he might forget. As for the names, sorry, but I don’t want to record events of people who maybe don’t want to be involved. But, A____ will become an interesting character later on. As for J____ ,she is his high school first love–such a nice girl who has become a real lady and presence in this world. When I first met her, I was like, “Uhmm, Matt she has lots of dark make-up. Is she like an emo or something?” However, I really came to enjoy her responsible yet fun nature. The break-up with J____ was sudden and final. Matt ached over it for years, as he was a true love, stick to it, never give up, sort of boy with his affections. However, to no avail would Matt win her back.
She did pop in to say ‘hi’ once. We didn’t visit long. Sort of uncomfortable for her I sensed. And, she accepted my Facebook request to friend. I suspect she is a bit like me, not a big socializer. Therefore, I don’t believe we messaged each other even once. Yup, she’s like me, remembers but doesn’t really talk about the past as the present is so, well, present.
As for you the reader of my thoughts and Matt’s life, I don’t mind at all if you are feeling lost and want an explanation. I may not know on some info., but will try to respond on what I do know.
Please visit again,